


You're the one who left.

by fxlminare



Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [51]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy Blake Has Feelings, F/M, Heavy Angst, POV Bellamy Blake, Second Dawn Bunker (The 100), The 100 (TV) Season 5, Worried Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23743828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxlminare/pseuds/fxlminare
Summary: "where Reader is angry at Bellamy for leaving her in the bunker. When he gets down to bunker for the first time, reader is on the pit fighting, covered in blood, maybe with a dead body on the ground (she tried to protect Marcus cause she is close with him or she is his daughter) and she used to be the positive and delicate type of girl so he has very big WTF moment. She still loves him but is so pissed and blames him for everything she had to face through those 6 years, making the decision for her and is like "dark" version of herself and he tries to talk to her but, you know, bunker life and all that and she has a massive breakdown at the end and he helps her somehow."
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Reader
Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [51]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110968
Kudos: 8





	You're the one who left.

**YOUR POV**

How did I get myself in this stupid situation? I wasn't sure but, what I knew for sure, was that I was not going to kill my father. I'd fight whoever else was in the pit and I'd protect him but I would not hurt him. I had no idea how we were going to get out of that one but, then again, I wasn't sure I'd make it out either.

\- "Y/N, you have to kill me."

\- "Like hell I do!" -I scoffed as my father spoke to me from his cell next to mine- "I'm not going to do that."

\- "Only one of us can make it out and I will not fight."

\- "We'll figure it out."

I cut the conversation short; I didn't need the weight of his careless actions, stupid decisions, and anxious thoughts too, I had enough with my own, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do. I knew only one of us could make it out but, maybe, just maybe, if he fought properly, Blodreina would allow us both to live another day. _Yeah, live another day for what? To keep wishing you were dead? Brilliant plan._ From what I knew, there were just two other people set to be on the pit that day. I knew I could take them, I had to believe I could. _Then, it's easy, I'll get rid of them and we'll figure the rest later but my priority is first keeping my father alive; they know he refused to fight once so the men will probably go after him first, they'll be distracted and that's when..._

\- "It's time."

I turned around in my cell as a guard hit the bars with the key; I looked around, seeing three other guards going to my father and the other men's cells. I nodded, taking a deep breath, allowing him to tie my hands before he guided me through the corridors that I knew all too well by now, getting to the main level, hands freed before getting in the pit. As I did, the people around started cheering, hitting the mesh and it only got louder as my father and the men got inside, the four of us standing to look up towards where Blodreina would be standing. I felt eyes on me, so I turned my face to the side, seeing the troubled look in my father's eyes.

\- "I'll be okay, you'll see."

**\------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had finally managed to make a deal with Diyoza to get them to help us open the bunker. I was anxious to see what we'll find out but I hoped both my sister and Y/N would still be alive. It had been over a year past the initial 5-year mark that Jaha had discussed the bunker would manage to keep us safe; I didn't want to keep thinking about it, but the possibility of them being dead was there.

\- "Ready?"

Diyoza looked at me as her men got ready to break the blocks of ruins that had fallen over the bunker's entrance. I nodded, stepping back not to get hit by anything, trying to look less nervous than I felt; Clarke stood by my side, probably feeling just as worried as I was, wondering how her mom would be. It took a couple of minutes that seemed like hours to me, but the hole was finally made and they quickly built a pulley; of course, I was the one to go down first, feeling like I could pass out from the anticipation, squinting my eyes as I got down, trying to get used to the difference of lighting down there. Once my feet finally set on the floor, I was already able to distinguish the figures in front of me, quickly getting rid of the belt around my hips, furrowing my eyebrows as I realized the main level looked now like a cell.

\- "Bell?" -my head snapped back to the voice, seeing my sister coming out of the shadows- "I knew you'd come back."

I felt my heart significantly lighter as I held her in my arms. My little sister. She was safe. She pulled back, a smile on her lips as she took my face on her hands before her eyes looked behind me, her happiness washing over with... regret? I turned around to focus on what had my sister so distraught. I couldn't believe it when I saw her: it was Y/N but she was... covered in blood, holding a sword, realizing just then that her father was there too and two bodies to her sides. I opened my mouth but the words didn't come out. The sword hit the floor and soon she was gone. I tried to follow her but my sister stopped me, pointing up with her head as Diyoza came down. _What the hell had been going on here?_

\- "What's going on, O?" -I whispered, grabbing her arm and pulling her to me- "Why was Y/N..."

\- "We don't have time for that." -she got rid of me, moving her hand to her sword- "Who are these people."

I desperately wanted to run after Y/N but I knew I had to deal with this for I had been the one to set the terms with Diyoza. It was awkward, the whole exchange of words between her and my sister. I couldn't think of anything else that wasn't Y/N, my Y/N covered in blood, and those bodies... And my sister? It was clear she had full control of the bunker, no one moving unless she allowed it, it was terrifying in a way.

Once she was out, I was the next to leave, knowing I had to speak with her but that got me nowhere; she refused to talk about Y/N or about what they had been doing down there, only wanting to know about Diyoza and her men and, while I understood, I had a bad feeling about all of this, about the bunker. 

\- "You don't have to trust them, just trust me, alright?" -she finally nodded- "I need to find Y/N."

I turned around, ready to leave the room we had hidden inside of in one of the ruins to speak in private when Octavia chuckled dryly, which forced me to turn around wondering why she was laughing now.

\- "She's not who she used to be." -she rose her eyes to meet mine- "None of us is."

\- "What was she doing in the pit."

\- "What did gladiators do?"

That statement froze my blood. _Y/N was... fighting for her life? Peaceful, delicate Y/N? Against her father? What? Why? It didn't make any sense. Octavia wouldn't..._

\- "Did you put her in the pit?"

\- "She put herself in that situation, she knows the law."

\- "The law!" -I scoffed, taking two steps to stand directly in front of her- "She could've died!"

\- "She knows how to take care of herself, big brother." -she patted my back as she walked past me- "Besides, you showed back just in time."

I stood in my place, trying to process and make something out of the little information Octavia had given me. I had to find her. I had to find Y/N.

**\-----------------**

**YOUR POV**

I had been stuck in my place after the loud bang and the rocks fell in front of me, stuck in my place as I watched someone coming down, stuck in my place as I realized who it was: Bellamy. He was alive. I felt a prick in my chest as I looked down at my hands, covered in blood and with a sword in my hand, the two men death beside me. I had killed them, my father hadn't even bothered trying; I thought we'd both die and yet, there we stood. And now this. Now Bellamy was back and half of me was longing to run up to him and kiss him but my other half, the logical one, well, she knew who I was now was not who he had loved once. And, when his eyes landed on me, I couldn't take it, it was too much, dropping the sword and running away from there, to the deepest part of the bunker, to what was now my home.

Once I came to my senses, having washed the blood away and putting on clean clothes, I looked at myself in the mirror, reminding me that, who I was now, was who I needed to be to survive. There was no shame in that. And I didn't need anyone's blessing or permission to be who I was. I had kept myself alive. I was strong and if they couldn't deal with it, then they weren't worth my time. I knew Bellamy, and who I was now was everything he despised so the best thing I could do for both of us, for me, was not to pretend things would go back to how they were prior to the bunker. After all, this was his fault; he left me behind, alone in the bunker while he took a vacation in space. I was what his decision made me. If he hated who I was now, he'd do better by hating himself first.

My father had been quick to go look for Abbie; he was too worried about her to care about anything else. I didn't necessarily blame him, but I'd have appreciated some more paternal love and attention on his part, but he had never been the type. When I got out of the bunker it was nighttime; I don't think I could have picked a better time to step foot out of that hell for the first time after six years. The night sky had always fascinated me and this time was no different. I heard the murmurs about Diyoza's men having tricked us, couldn't say it surprised me; the fact that my father had taken Abbie to leave with them to keep her safe didn't come as a shock either, and the fact that he left me behind? I was used to that, being left behind. I was sure Octavia would execute them as soon as she saw them again. _Running away from a fight yet again, dad, what an example for your daughter._

\- "Y/N?"

I flinched as I heard my name falling from his lips. I had almost forgotten how he sounded, how my name coming out of his lips felt different: it felt purer, worthy of everything anyone could give. But that wasn't me. It was my name, but that person was dead. I took a deep breath before turning around, finding his deep brown eyes boring into mine as soon as I met his gaze. I didn't like it, what he was making me feel. Those feelings had to die.

\- "I've missed you."

His voice was low and calm, eager and warm and gentle, taking a step towards me as I didn't say anything, trying to take my hands in his but I moved back. I couldn't do this.

\- "Hey, you okay?"

\- "Am I okay?" -I scoffed, biting my tongue for a second as I looked to the ruins next to us- "That building is doing better than I am, and it went through a whole apocalypse."

\- "Octavia's told me..."

\- "Blodreina is not your sister nor my friend."

\- "What happened?"

\- "What hasn't happened is probably a better question."

I didn't want to have this conversation, so I simply eyed him, waving my hand dismissively in front of him before moving away. But he didn't let me go, of course not; the time he has to, it's when he doesn't.

\- "Hey, I haven't seen you in six years and this is how you..."

\- "You left me behind, Bellamy!" -I shoved my finger to his chest- "The girl you loved so deeply and yet willingly left behind died years ago because of your choice, so don't pretend like what we had can happen again. What we were died with her."

\- "What?"

\- "You heard me." -I got rid of him- "Go save the world again. I'm doing great on my own."

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had been so confused, I hadn't even managed to run after her. Sure, it had been six years, the physical change for both of us was obvious but I was still the same person I used to be, at least the important parts like the core of who I was and my love for her. And I was sure she hadn't managed to move on from that either. But I was clearly talking without knowing. I needed to know what exactly had happened for her to say her old self was dead. It worried me but, seeing how my sister was behaving and how everyone in the bunker followed her every move and order, the new feeling that arose in my chest was fear. It'd have rather sticking to just worry.

I tried to get to Y/N a couple of times before we marched towards the valley, once again while we spent the night in the desert, then again when we came back after the sandstorm but nothing was working. It was like she didn't know me at all, distant and cold like I had never seen her. But I was not going to back down; I felt about her the exact same way I did six years ago, even deeper after all the time we had spent apart and nothing could have pushed me away from her, not even her without an explanation; if she didn't love me anymore, I'd let her go but I needed to know for sure. And that was exactly why I followed her inside the bunker, down the corridors, being as careful as I could not to get called out by anyone, finally seeing her entering one of the rooms, storming inside after her and locking the door behind me.

\- "We are not going to get out of here until you speak to me."

\- "Don't you have a family to save?" -she didn't even bother looking at me- "You'll regret the time you're wasting now later."

\- "You're my family, Y/N; time spent with you is never gone to waste."

\- "I am your family?" -she scoffed, finally turning around, eyes like daggers boring into mine- "You have a funny way of letting it be known, leaving me behind, trapping me in this fucking hellhole." -she seemed to remember something- "But, then again, your little sister was trapped under the floor for years, maybe that's the only..."

\- "Hey, enough." -I closed the space between us.

\- "Afraid of where I'm going with this?"

\- "Terrified of how you'll feel once it comes out of your mouth and you can't take it back."

\- "Don't try me."

She pushed away from me, trying to get to the door but I'd be damned, striding towards it and forcing it to stay closed; Y/N might have gotten stronger but I wasn't weak either so, once she finally realized she was going nowhere with this, she let out a long annoyed sigh, turning around and eyeing me up and down; her eyes softened for a second but she quickly put on her angry façade once again, walking back to her bed.

\- "What the hell do you want."

\- "To know what's going on."

\- "Easy, we're in the middle of a war that started because you decided to trust a bunch of criminals."

\- "That sounds familiar."

\- "We were teens, those people are well in their thirties." -she rolled her eyes, flopping on the bed- "I'd have thought the time spent in peace would make you wiser."

\- "Can you talk to me?"

\- "I'm talking to you as much as I'd rather smash your head against the wall."

\- "So you're angry at me?" -I walked to stand in front of her.

\- "Are you joking?" -she sat up, raising a questioning eyebrow as I crossed my arms over my chest- "I thought that much was clear. Am I not making myself clear? I'm fucking pissed at you for forcing me to become this." -she pointed at herself up and down- "I'd have gone to the end of the world with you, literally, and what did you do? Leave without saying a fucking word!"

\- "I thought I'd have time to come back; I never planned..."

\- "Oh, how convenient." -she rolled her eyes- "I don't care."

\- "I want to help, Y/N."

\- "And I want a different life but here we are." -she moved her head mockingly, before resting her head on her hand over her legs- "We don't always get what we want."

\- "Will you stop giving me an attitude and just talk to me?"

\- "Not probable in the near future."

\- "I just want you back."

\- "You can't have back something that wasn't yours in the first place."

\- "But I thought we..."

\- "We were so good together." -she nodded- "But those two people? Those aren't us."

\- "I know it's been time but..."

\- "Time changes people."

\- "I don't understand." -I furrowed my eyebrows- "What happened to you?"

\- "Life happened."

\- "Can I help? I'll do anything."

\- "Call me when you have a time machine." -she rose to her feet, pushing me away and moving to her bathroom.

\- "I'd build one if I could. Take you with me to the Ring."

\- "But you can't." -she focused her eyes on me through the mirror- "That's the whole point."

\- "I get that you've changed but... have your feelings for me changed too?"

Her eyes widened for a second long enough for me to catch it; she was clearly not expecting me to ask her that, at least not so bluntly, her gaze dropped to her hands as she fidgeted with her fingers.

\- "That's it."

Her voice betrayed her, her whole demeanor did. It hurt me that she was trying to hide her feelings from me but it only made me wonder even more why she was doing this. I stood behind her, making her turn around and taking her chin in my hand.

\- "So you don't love me anymore." -I rubbed her chin- "You hate me for leaving you behind, forcing you to do whatever you've been doing, become a pawn in my sister's chess game."

\- "Yeah."

\- "Say it out loud. Tell me that you don't love me anymore and I'll leave; I'll leave you alone and I won't get in your way ever again."

I saw the tears forming in her eyes before she pushed past me, getting back in the room; I thought she'd try to get out but she didn't; instead, she sat on the bed, rubbing her eyes before playing with her fingers. I sat beside her, pulling my arm over her shoulders, feeling her tensing for a second before she melted into my touch like she always did. And it felt so right. Until I heard her sobbing.

\- "Talk to me, Y/N."

\- "It's just... it's that I... I've... I'm not who I used to be, I've told you." -she pulled away from me, standing up but I caught her hand with mine just in time, making her stay in front of me as much as her eyes locked on the floor.

\- "Doesn't mean I don't love you just the same, Y/N." -I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb.

\- "You don't understand! I... I've done things to survive, things no one should ever have to do, but I did them!" -she pulled her hand away from me, trying to run away to the door but I trapped her against the wall- "Let me go."

\- "Tell me about it, about those things."

\- "I did them because I wanted to live; because I wanted to get out of here; because I wanted to see you... I loved you goddammit and you left me behind and the thought of never seeing you again, the fear of dying without you... it all lessened everything else I felt, pushed me to keep going..."

She fell to her knees and I went down with her; she covered her face with her hands, completely breaking down in front of me, bawling her eyes out as her whole body trembled. I didn't know what to do; I knew something had to have happened for her to change so much and seeing her like this... I couldn't even begin to imagine it; it broke my heart seeing in how much pain she really was. I moved my hands to her arms, dying to hold her close to me but not wanting to push her.

\- "I can't do this anymore." -she shook her head, moving slightly away from me as she rubbed her nose, her bawling dying out to simple sobs.

\- "Hey, Y/N. I'm with you." -she eyed me through teary eyes- "You can count on me."

\- "I've done things..." -she looked at the floor- "Things I can't even talk about right now."

\- "I'll be here when you feel like you can." -I moved my hand to her chin- "And I'll listen and I'll do all I can to help you get through it."

\- "You won't." -she denied with her head, a sad smile on her lips- "What I've become, there's no going back. You can't love a version of me that even I despise."

\- "You may have changed, and you may have done things, but I did things too and you loved me just the same."

\- "But..."

\- "And I know I will love you just the same once you tell me because nothing makes me happier than being with you, than holding you in my arms and knowing that you're with me even if the end of the world threatens us. Having you by my side forces a warmth in my chest I never thought I'd be able to feel and trust me when I tell you, it's all because of you." -tears started rolling down her cheeks- "I love you, Y/N. And I should have never left you behind; that is my biggest regret: not taking you with me to find Raven. I thought I'd come back and spend the past six years with you, loving you with all I had and growing old by your side but, instead, I got stuck in space while you suffered more than you deserved down here. There's nothing I can say that'll make your pain better, but I hope I'll manage to show you every day for the rest of our lives that no matter what you've done to survive, I love you. I love how strong you've become, how confident you are and how dead set on living you are. You've always inspired me to be better and that hasn't changed."

I took her face in my hands, rubbing her cheeks to wipe the tears away. I didn't expect her to move or to say anything else but my body was overjoyed once her chest hit mine, her arms wrapping around my neck and holding me tight; I moved my hands to her back, making her sit on my lap and rubbing her back, kissing her neck as I hid my face there, taking in everything about this moment, remembering how her body fit with mine, how my arms felt better holding her and how her scent took over everything else, how right it felt to run my fingers down her hair but, most of all, how much I had missed having her with me, how much I had missed feeling like I could protect her from everything, as much as I knew she could take care of herself. Loving her was my greatest victory; gaining her heart the best thing that had ever happened to me.

\- "I've missed you so much, Bellamy." -she cried in my ear- "You've kept me sane. As much as I could be down here."

\- "You've kept me going." -I pulled back to meet her eyes- "Thinking of you gave me a reason to wake up every day, and dreaming of you gave me a reason to go to bed. I know it doesn't compare to what you've been through down here but living without you was my own personal hell."

\- "The worst thing I've done in the past six years was running away from you when I saw you in the pit." -she took a deep breath as her fingers curled on my hair- "I was scared. Scared that you'd see me like that and wouldn't want me anymore because I know you fell in love with how innocent and loving I was and now I'm all..." -she looked around as if trying to find the right words.

\- "You're all strong and independent." -I made her focus back on me- "I could never stop loving you for evolving into the woman you are today, Y/N; I'm just sad I missed it, angry that what forced you to become this way was fear and pain."

\- "So..."

\- "Will you run away if I try to kiss you?"

\- "Maybe I'll have to run away but not because my lips aren't desperate to crash with yours."

\- "Then why would you do that?"

\- "Because of all this hair."

She chuckled as she ran her fingers down my beard, pretending to be annoyed but catching her hand in mine, kissing its back before letting go. Her smile was so gentle and loving, it made my heart beat faster and, once her lips found mine, it was like everything was right again, like the stars had finally aligned to get us both back where we were meant to be: in each other's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> ****
> 
> **🌸Catch you on my ask box! Leave me some feedback, pls🌸**  
> 


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